Is it ok to Live Together First?
A growing trend is for people to live together before getting
married. This almost always implies that a couple is
having sex before they are married.
The reason often given for living together is that it
is a trial to find out if the couple can live with one
another. The justification is that it is better to
find out before they are married than have to go through
a divorce. While this would sound practical,
evidence does not back up this theory. Instead of
having a lower divorce rate for couples who live together first,
it is noticeably higher than average. Different studies
have found that couples who live together before marriage have a
divorce rate between 70-80%. Considering the average
divorce rate is 50%, couples who live together first are 50%
more likely than average to get divorced. While there may be
numerous reasons for this problem, two stand out. First is
that nothing changes with marriage. The couple can file
their taxes together and that is about it. Everything else
is the same. The question becomes, "Why did they get
married?" The second reason is closely related to the first.
While living together, the couple did not act like a married
couple. They were simply trying things out, seeing if they
would work. If it turned out it didn't then it proved it
was a good idea to live together first and the relationship is
broken off. There is no reason to work through problems
because the relationship is ultimately disposable. The
purpose of living together was to find problems, not try to
solve them. The same lax attitude that takes place while
living together gets carried over into the marriage.
Because nothing has changed, the couple still acts the same as
they did when they weren't married. When problems arise,
they do not know how to handle them. Because the
relationship wasn't as serious when they were living together,
it isn't serious as a married couple. These couples are
unable or unwilling to solve their problems and often end up
going their separate ways. |
